It has been almost three months since I last wrote a blog post.
A rather intense three months.
SInce the last blog, my father died in another country, I decided to get a casual job (3 months into my “based on your scans, you have 3-6 months to live” prognosis), and I have lived through two months of chronic, at times unmanageable pain.
But life is good.
I have learned to be a consistent “glass half full person”. (Although there have been several times I have curled up on my partners lap weeping with sheer exhaustion from the unrelenting pain. But that only lasts for ten minutes and I dry my eyes and get on with life).
People tell me I am strong or brave or courageous. And other flattering words. It may appear this way to others, but I don’t see it that way.
You see, I have discovered the secret to living a happy life.
Develop beliefs that inspire, sustain and uplift you, and life becomes effortless. You become incredibly resilient.
It is simple, but it isn’t necessarily easy. Our beliefs, as I have mentioned many times before, are buried deeply in our sub-conscious mind, and were generally established in the first seven or so years of our life.
We spend our lives living out our beliefs.
Some beliefs serve us well, others don’t.
Keep the good beliefs, ditch the rest and reprogram your sub conscious mind.
Coming from a deeply religious background, I had many beliefs that kept me afraid of God, death and life. This manifested itself in constant anxiety which I carefully hid from others. I felt that everyone else “had it together” except me. I tried extremely hard to be perfect. I had a belief that unless I was perfect I simply wasn’t good enough and this paralysed me, causing me to play it safe and consequently I never achieved what I knew I was capable of because I was afraid to fail. It was easier to stay small.. if you don’t try, you don’t fail.
The day I realised that all the fear originated from my mind therefore I had the power to change it, was the day a different life began.
I used to be terrified of God. The God I absorbed in my child mind was the God of the Old Testament. A punishing, vengeful, petty, jealous, touchy, demanding God who would torture me for ever if I didn’t do exactly what he wanted.
I never felt good enough. The concept of Grace completely by-passed me because it didn’t fit in with my sub-conscious belief of what God was. This is what our mind does. It hones in on the things that fit with its established beliefs and ignores the rest. I am sure the Christian belief that we are saved through Jesus’s blood was preached in the church I belonged to, but I didn’t hear it.
The reason I am sharing this, is because my beliefs about God were a huge part of my problem with life. It would be very easy to blame the church, however we each live within our own personal reality, while sharing a general physical reality with others. My negative experience was a direct result of the beliefs I had absorbed early on, and my mind then built on those. Another child in the exact same circumstances could have reacted differently. There is no-one to blame. (Besides, blame is dis-empowering, it simply keeps you in victim-hood).
Once I was clear enough in my mind to understand that my mind itself was the problem, I began the process of reprogramming. In the beginning, my mind almost destroyed itself with fear. All the different spiritual beliefs I read about, my mind considered a sacrilege and I acted as though I was going to be burnt at the stake. I was terrified. Fortunately, and this is the part where Grace first became evident; my Soul, that part of each of us that is forever connected to Spirit, made itself known to me in a very conscious way for the first time in my life, and gave me a deep knowing that everything was unfolding exactly as it should. It gave me the courage not to give up. Not to let fear keep me trapped.
Now, I live from a belief and complete trust in a Divine Being and universe that has my back. An unconditionally loving Divine Being and universe. The two aren’t separate. Nothing is separate. This belief allows me to live knowing everything I experience is for my good. That in everything I experience, I will find love, peace and joy because these are the building blocks of the universe. (How could it be any different with an unconditionally loving creator? We aren’t here just to suffer and die). In this state, I can welcome anything. The deeper I live this belief, the more I find it to be true. It is effortless, almost all of the time, for me to be happy. What is happening to my physical body does not detract from that. This is possible because of another deep belief I have – that I am a Spiritual Being having a human experience. This world is not my forever home. Being in spirit, which is my natural state, is.
I think humanity is very confused about the purpose of life, and this confusion has manifested in the dysfunction, anxiety, fear and violence so prevalent in this world.
I do not feel myself as separate from God-Divinity-Life whatever you wish to call Supreme Being. I really don’t think the name matters. (If someone called you by the wrong name would you be deeply offended if they weren’t intending to be deliberately offensive?) The Divine is everything. We are never separate.
I don’t concern myself over the length of my life. I do what I can to stay alive, but ultimately it is out of my hands. The length of my life is Divine business. My business is to live as joyfully and passionately and lovingly as I can in each and every moment. This is my only really meaningful business. It is not to accumulate as many physical assets as I can, and live in stress and anxiety to do so. It is not to make other people happy or please them. It is not to get recognition on facebook, Tik Tok, or even to have a family.
Western culture has got it out of order. We have been conditioned to believe that living joyfully is what we do when/if we have enough energy left after we have finished working our butts off for the material assets we have been conned into believing bring happiness. This is the wrong way around!!.
Jesus wasn’t kidding when he said to “seek the Kingdom of Heaven first, and all these things will be added to you”. The Kingdom of Heaven is joy, love, and peace here and now, not just a far away hoped for heavenly realm. Other spiritual teachers say the same thing.
You see, if you focus on finding love, joy and peace everywhere, in everything, you will find it everywhere and in everything. Including in the job you thought you hated, or the person who challenges you most, or in the illness you thought you were terrified of. This is real, and its yours – you aren’t relying on someone or something to provide it for you. It arises spontaneously from within.
I challenge you, if you aren’t already doing it, to consciously choose to live joyfully and passionately and lovingly as your main business in life.
It will transform your experience beyond imagination.